Diary of a knit
Current me and younger me share a love for navy sweaters.
And not just any knit – a jumper meant to heal my inner child! The idea came from my therapist, who thought it might be a good idea for me to use my craft practice to this end. I decided to follow her suggestion and also to document the whole process.
So, if you ever wondered what the process of knitting a jumper looks like, this one is for you. Between the idea and the finished piece lay almost six months and this time includes blow-my-own-mind moments as well as frustrations and struggles.
3 January
Today, my therapist suggested knitting a jumper for younger me – as an act of healing. The idea is settling in and I am thinking about how it could work. I don’t want to just re-designate my current project for this; I want to think about what young Anna and current Anna would like.
4 January
As a young girl, I was very into horses and riding. I remember feeling good and safe when I wore dark blue sweatshirts with horses on them. So, I am thinking maybe a navy blue sweatshirt-style pattern?
To make it more ‘current me’, I could use luxurious yarns like merino, silk or cashmere, since those are my favourites. Until now, my next project was going to be a very textured jumper next. Could I just repurpose this idea to heal my inner child? I wonder how representative of my younger self it is, though.
Looking through Instagram, I start seeing pattern options. Maybe Rille Ruth’s ‘Hack it’ sweater, which offers a lot of options to customise your own sweater. Or Lily Kate France’s ‘Close to me’ sweater, for which I like the name as well as the sweatshirt vibes. Or Coco Amour’s ‘Stornoway’ sweater for the textured option. I also like the ‘Beyond Basic Sweatshirt’ by Wool&Beyond, where I am very excited about the construction.
22 February
I still struggle to decide which direction to go. Should I put the two ideas together by making a textured knit in navy blue? If I went with the Stornawy sweater, I worry about the stripes’ colours. Should I add a different colour laceweight for that luxurious touch? But wouldn’t it get too busy? Maybe I can test some things during next week’s knitting session with two of my friends, I think.
12 March
Knitting a swatch with some scrap yarn to test gauge.
Okay, I finally made up my mind and will be knitting the Beyond Basic Sweatshirt! Today, I bought a gorgeous navy blue cotton merino from Gepard Yarn. As a second thread, I want to add something luxurious like cashmere (for ‘current me’). However, the shop didn’t have what I wanted, so I left without any.
Knitting the swatch, the fabric feels too flat. I have a Gepard cashmere lace in my scrap bin, which I use in the remaining half of the swatch. I am blocking it overnight, but if the gauge is good, I will buy some of this yarn in a blue slightly lighter than the navy.
25 March
Cast-on day for my Beyond Basic Sweater! And as luck will have it, I read a quote in Melanie Berg’s book ‘Knit is For Power’: “Knit your good wishes into the shawl.” Like Melanie, I believe that making something with my own hands passes on a certain energy to that piece.
26 March
Sitting by the water and knitting away…
The back yoke is double knitted, which is a new technique for me, and I feel myself starting to get frustrated. As I can’t get into a groove with the knit and slip stitches, it is going to take forever to make progress here, I think. But I am also trying to remind myself that the process is part of the whole point of this knit – to sit and process the past.
6 April
Today, I blew my own mind, when I realised what double knitting actually means and I created a double layer of fabric. No wonder it took twice the time!
11 May
When I knitted the neckline the first time around, it stood out like a crown, because there were too many stitches for it to lay flat. I was so annoyed. It needed to go on a time out, while I continued with the body. Today, I finally took up the neckline again with fewer stitches, and have a much better feeling about it now.
Thinking about if I should have done anything differently, but I wouldn’t have. Of course, I follow the pattern at first. A thought hits me: Sometimes you have to make a mistake in order to learn and do it better the next time. And just because it works for the majority, doesn’t mean it is right for me.
27 May
The weather is getting warmer, this project feels slow-going and motivation is dwindling. I dream about casting on a summer top or a mini scarf. But I am a monogamous knitter and worry that putting this project into a works-in-progress (WIP) pile, it would never come out.
18 June
I was almost done with the body, when I tried the jumper on again, only to realise that it was quite short and it hit at an unfortunate spot. But good knitting friends to the rescue! Karina (@karinatimeaknits) suggested blocking the jumper before frogging it to add length. And honestly? It made the few centimeter difference I needed! I am feeling so much happier about the length now.
19 June
A close-up of the fabric with the slightest color variation — just the way young and current Anna like it.
I am weaving in the ends, while listening to a Robbie Williams concert like I did almost 20 years ago. There is something about it. Is it healing? Or just a nice memory? In any case, tonight, I finished the jumper that was supposed to heal my inner child! But did it?
Honestly, I don’t know if the process of knitting this jumper really helped me connect with my inner child. In parts maybe, because I had her in mind when choosing the pattern and yarns. And I will wear it a lot. I am sure it is going to be a staple in my wardrobe going forward.
But the actual knitting process? I don’t think so. Writing or visualisation exercises help me connect with younger Anna in a much more meaningful way. Even if knitting this jumper didn’t have the ultimate intended effect, I am still glad I did it because I learned things along the way – about knitting and about myself. And for that I am very grateful.
“Even if knitting this jumper didn’t have the ultimate intended effect, I am still glad I did it because I learned things along the way – about knitting and about myself.”